There have been times when poking out my eye out with a stick seemed like it would feel better than saying no to someone desperately pleading for my help. I am a healer and an empath. I dedicated myself to a life of service at the age of 13 and never looked. My ability to serve is a huge part of what makes my life feel worthwhile. As an empath, I feel the suffering of others and any relief I can provide for others, makes me feel better in a multitude of ways.
But some people are a bottomless pit of bad choices that keep them needing help. Sometimes bailing out of their latest mess is not actually going to improve their situation but enable them to keep up the same destructive patterns. Sometimes people bring a whirlwind of chaos begging for help just to control you.
Sometimes you truly don't have the resources to give even if the person legitimately needs your help and your help will, indeed, be helpful. Sometimes giving the help that people ask for will leave you without the resources that you need. If you are a kind and generous person, you are a healer or an empath or just a good person, you are needed. Not only is it ok for you to have needs and to have them met but it is vital.
The more lovingly you are able to care and provide for yourself the more you will have to offer others. Sometimes you just have to say no. Sometimes you can't say yes but you don't want to say no either.
That is a good time to ask your body what you feel good about doing. Your body can speak to you in many ways. One very simple way is through expansion and contraction. Ask your body, "Do I really want to give this person $500.00?" If your body relaxes and your breathing feels easy, and you can still pay your bills after giving, then give. If your body tightens up then the answer is no. You could then ask a series of other questions: "Do I want to give $200, $100....?" Until you arrive at the place where you feel comfortable. Then you can contact that person and tell them your answer. Maybe it is something like this, "Here's what I can give. I have a bag or rice, a bag of beans, a few job leads for you to follow up on and I can meet you at the gas station, give them to you and put $20 in your tank so you can make it to work"
Saying no doesn't make you a bad person. It keeps you healthy so that you don't get burned out and you can continue to be a good person. You can do it. You can have needs and have them met and still be a good person.
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